There's always been this noise, thoughts pulling my attention in all directions, the sense of urgency and panic. Mindstorm is the best term I can come up with. Great for generating new ideas, terrible for many other things. Also, very, very exhausting. Good news is, with the new medication, there has been progress: the mindstorm situation changed significantly for the better.
Now, everything's much calmer, as if the storm went all the way down to just waves. And those waves are much easier to manage.
To feel such a low level of the mindstorm for the first time in my thirties is not something I would expect from my life. Before, I was convinced that everyone had the same struggles, but they're just dealing with it better. Looks like it was not exactly the case.
After all, stepping over the taboo, which is mental health medication and even discussion of it, and going to get some help was a very good decision: when we break a leg, we don't just limp around, pretending to be a hero who doesn't need any support, and causing troubles to others at the same time. This is basically the same thing - it is a person's own responsibility to keep themselves healthy and fit, and mental health is part of a package. It is only logical to use all available resources for it, including modern medication.
It is a good reminder to once again be grateful for even having access to such treatment. This level of doctors' training, accessibility of medication and general safety is not something that I could have before moving to Finland, and I remind myself about it every single day.
It is also a good reminder to take it easy and to not compare oneself with others. Everyone's different, and you never know what another person is going through. It is also a reminder to be more compassionate to those who struggle for whatever reasons, even when it is hard to imagine how their struggles feel.
If someone somewhere out there wrestles with a similar problem, I would say: keep it cool, carry on and try to seek help. Modern medicine is a power to reckon with.
After all, this whole situation made me think of how our brains work, and how it would be interesting to learn more about it.
This post's music
"Chill Evening ❤️ lofi music | Chill Music ~ lofi beats to study / deep chill" from YouTube